Everybody's talking

It's a funny thing when you have a rare or aggressive form of cancer. Simple questions are hard to answer.

Friend: "Hey Maria (Gal, Girlfriend etc....) What's up? How are things going for you?"
Me: "Fine, Fine. I'm all done with my treatments and as you can see my hair is growing back."(Smile)
Friend: "Oh, so glad to hear it is all over for you."
Me (with a little less enthusiasm) "Yes, it's all done."

I've probably had that exact conversation 50 times in the past few months. Someone asks how I am and I tell them I am fine. Usually for a brief moment I consider telling them the truth... but I never do.

I never say, "Well, I'm done but now I'm just holding my breath for it to be back."
I never say, "There is really no way to know if the cancer is gone."
I never say, "There is a higher than normal chance that it will come back."
I never say, "This cancer is known to be chemo resistant."
I never say, "I could have done all of that treatment for nothing."
I never say, "It's very rare."
I never say, "It can be aggressive."
I never say, "The first three years are the most critical."
I never say, "I'm still scared."

I just say, "I'm fine" and while they are talking and telling me how great it is that it is "all over" and how well I did and how I am a survivor... I just think about those other things, but I never say them.

"Everybody's talking at me, I don't hear a word they're saying, Only the echos of my mind."

Everybody's Talking