Burning down the house

Pssst. Hey, over here.... Can you keep a secret?

I almost burned down my house. No, not when I was six. Today, two hours ago. How'd that happen, you ask? Well, I was making something in the oven and I forgot about it.

Bet you think I'm over 80, right? Well, no, I'm only 48 but I recently had chemo and this is what happens. Chemobrain.

A couple of years ago I went to see my folks in the midwest. One day my husband and I found my mom at her door with a towel waving it around like mad. She had left something on the stove and it has slowly burned down until it was burnt to the pan and smoking up the house like hell. My mom had helped me out once or twice conveniently "forgetting" to tell my dad about an incident with the car so I thought it was only fair I return the favor. We threw out the pan and helped fan out the house so dad would never know.

At the time I never imagined I would forget something like that, at least not until I was my mothers age and yet here I am, unable to remember I turned on the stove when I was sitting only feet away from it.

And, for the record, I didn't just let the food burn a little. Heck no, I let it CATCH FIRE in the oven. I didn't notice it was burning until smoke was filling the room and setting off the alarms. In all my 25 years of marriage I have never had a more scary incident in the kitchen.

The worst part is it comes at the end of a long week of confusion. Multiple times throughout the week I felt not only distracted but downright lost in the middle of important conversations. My boss was explaining a new direction in our strategy and while he was speaking I was unable to focus on what he was saying. I couldn't formulate questions I wanted to ask or remember what he said. Not five minutes after the discussion ended I couldn't summarize what we had discussed to a co-worker.

My chemo ended in mid July and I had noticed some problems with word recall. I'd have trouble thinking of a word that would normally be tip of my tongue. But this.... this is different. This has scared me. After that meeting with my boss I was trying so hard to remember the core of that conversation, I was so frustrated.... I wanted to cry, actually sit down and cry right there at work.

Some think chemobrain doesn't exist.

It does.

I've got the burnt pan to prove it.

Burning Down the House: