Hey now, You're an All Star

Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

So during the recent #BCSM tweetchat the topic of conversation was advocacy and burn out. I chipped in with my method for avoiding burn out. I said, "My BC life is my "secret" life. Try to avoid talking BC at work and even some at home... have to compartmentalize this some"

A very nice lady who I follow on twitter responded to my tweet with the following, "that makes me sad u feel u can't discuss BC openly."

I tried to explain it a little better but for everything that twitter offers in terms of bullet points and brevity it doesn't offer much in the way of depth and clarity. This is a topic I've had on my list for some time now so I want to talk a little bit about this idea of "my secret life."

The main concept that rolls around in my mind is the idea that I'm somewhere in the middle of this advocacy thing. (Probably more toward NOT being one than being one). So talking about breast cancer is a real balancing act for me and I really truly believe, many other women.

I think somewhere between the first time you tell someone you have cancer and the day you're getting your first award for advocacy.... you're just a lady who talks too much about one thing, and lets face it, nobody wants to be that person.

I'm not an All-Star advocate. I'm not even out of treatment. I haven't even decided if I want to be an advocate, All-Star or otherwise. So I have to figure out how to communicate my willingness to help others without turning into the "cancer lady" everyone avoids.

I appreciate the idea expressed to me through that response. It would be sad if I was afraid to talk openly about my cancer experience. I would be sad for me as well. But that's really not the case. I make it very very clear at every appropriate moment that I am willing to talk. That I am not embarrassed by my disease or about the details of my treatment. I will tell you anything you want to know. The trick though is to let others know you will happily talk but not appear to be focused on some new found agenda to drag everyone else through your experience with you.

So I've found myself with this "secret life." For one thing, I'm writing this blog and my family, friends and co-workers don't know about it. I have a separate twitter account for breast cancer talk. I have a new group of facebook friends who are patients and former patients. And, I'm working on a website for metaplastic breast cancer with some other MpBC women.

The thing is... these things I'm doing aren't really a secret so much as something I'm doing for myself and not ready to share with others. I don't want my co-workers to read my blog because it's for me and (hopefully) for other women with breast cancer. It's really not for them, so why would I tell them about it? The twitter account? Well, it's the same thing. It's helping me feed my need to know more about what is happening in the research and advocacy community. I feel like talking about my experience more than I think my friends and co-workers want to hear about it. I can't hardly tweet about my mastectomy on my twitter account that has my professional followers. (As small as that group is.)

As for my new friends, I feel good about offering them support as much as I benefit from the support they offer. It's that shared experience thing. I don't think that is an odd concept that is difficult to comprehend. We understand this experience in ways that our family and friends don't.

So, I have a "secret life" on the internet with my breast cancer crew. I'm still thinking about where this will all go in my life. One day I may go public but for now I'll let others be the Rock Stars and I'll watch the show from the wings and applaud.

So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

All-Star