The past few months (maybe 2?) it's hard to remember.... they have been full. Full of bad news and pain, and doctors and appointments and things that scare me to no end.
I'm afraid too much has gone on to even really attempt to catch others up on what has happened. So, I won't try for now.... for now I will say, the mornings are better.
In the mornings, it takes a minute to move into position but after the night -resting- the joints I am not using enough right now and the muscles that need exercise, they are not so sore and they allow me to feel a little like myself.
I manage to sit myself up, my husband always nearby to help, to say some prayers. The prayers are an amazing comfort.... "I cried out to God, and he healed me."I never knew how much comfort the prayers would bring.... but they have
My spine is fractured from the cancer in the bone. The radiation is killing that cancer but I cannot move around too much for fear of hurting my back more before the fractures heal. I am in a brace. There are other pains in my lower back and leg and I live in shear terror that these pains must be looked at as well. I can't take more bad news but I can't afford to ignore anything as well. If I could just repair these issues.... I'd be elated to ONLY worry about lung mets.....
In the mornings I get about 4-5 hours of genuine relief. I am trying to fill those hours working on something of value. Working on advocacy, connecting with friends and any other important work I can manage.
I don't know how long I can make it, how lucky I will be with the medicine - all I know is there is work to be done, things to be said and I am not done and the mornings are the easiest.