Back Home Again

 There's a storm across the valley clouds are rollin' in
the afternoon is heavy on your shoulders.
There's a truck out on the four lane a mile or more away
the whinin' of his wheels just makes it colder. 


Hey, it's good to be back home again
Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend
Yes, 'n, hey it's good to be back home again 
-John Denver

Yesterday I went out with my husband to visit some friends. A mutual acquaintance had died during the week and we went to find out more and see about the services. On our way back to our place we were driving down a familiar road. The sun was out, you could see "Skyline Drive" across the Shenandoah Valley. The Blue Ridge Mountains surrounded us, as we passed over the Shenandoah River.

We were talking about something and laughing at some inside joke when John Denver's "back Home Again" came on the radio. I like to listen to a local county oldies station on the weekends, it just seems to fit with the surroundings most of the time. The strains of an old country song playing from an AM station and filtering out of our old truck radio always bring me back in time. It just works for me.

Anyway, "Back Home Again" came on and while we continued our talk the music was creeping into the back of my head. I was enjoying myself, I felt healthy, I had been out of the house all morning and wasn't thinking about cancer. I think it was the first time in more than a year that I really felt like I didn't have a care in the world. I felt "Back Home Again" in my own skin. I miss that.

Somewhere in the past year between treatments, appointments, tests, scans, blood draws, surgeries, trying to keep up at work, pretending to be normal, obsessing over research and focusing on how I can make this cancer thing mean something through this blog or support groups.... I lost a little bit of me. And, for the first time in awhile I felt that again.

Of course like everything about this cancer thing, timing is everything. There is a "storm across the valley" for me. I'll be starting chemo again in a few weeks. There will be more fatigue and more tests and appointments and more trying to keep up with work and blogs.... but for a few minutes, bouncing along in that old Ford with my husband smiling and chatting about nothing important, I felt "back home again." I'm going to hold on to that for as long as I can this time.

It's the sweetest thing I know of, just spending time with you
it's the little things that make a house a home.
Like a fire softly burning and supper on the stove.
And the light in your eyes that makes me warm